Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You? The Shocking Truth Revealed!

choosing counseling

Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You? The Shocking Truth Revealed!

How to Choose The Right Therapist by Real Life Psych

Title: How to Choose The Right Therapist
Channel: Real Life Psych

Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You? The Shocking Truth Revealed! (And Why You Might Be Asking That Question…)

Okay, let's be real. The internet is a rabbit hole, a swirling vortex of self-diagnosis and armchair psychology. And right now, if you're reading this, you're probably already halfway down that hole, typing "Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You?" into your search bar. (And hey, no judgment. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt… probably still have it somewhere.)

But before we dive into the "shocking truth" (because, frankly, calling something "shocking" is a bit… dramatic, isn't it?) let's just breathe. Take a moment. Maybe grab a cup of tea. We're going to unpack this, slowly, carefully, ‘cause this is a sensitive topic.

The Big Question: What Actually Is Gaslighting, Anyway?

First things first. Gaslighting isn’t just another word for disagreeing with you. It’s not your therapist offering a differing perspective. It’s far more insidious. Think of it as a slow, deliberate erosion of your reality. It's basically manipulation that makes you question your sanity, your memory, your perception of events.

Here's the lowdown:

• Denial: The therapist might flat-out deny things that happened, even if you have proof. "That never happened," they’d say with a straight face.
• Minimization: Downplaying your feelings. "You're being too sensitive." “It’s not that big of a deal”.
• Shifting Blame: Turning things around, making you the problem, even when you’re the victim. "You're making me say these things because you…"
• False Accusations: Accusing you of things that aren't true. "You’re being manipulative." Or "You’re trying to sabotage your progress."
• Undermining Trust: Constantly questioning your judgment or perception. "Are you sure you’re remembering that correctly?" constantly can be… exhausting.

Now, a therapist should challenge you. That’s their job, to help you grow and see things differently. But there's a HUGE difference between challenging and manipulating. When it's a challenge, it's to help you. Gaslighting, well, it’s malicious.

The (Potentially) Bad Stuff: Red Flags & Creepy Vibes

Okay, so you're starting to suspect your therapist. Here's where things get tricky. Trust your gut. Seriously. If something feels…off, it probably is off.

• Dismissing Your Concerns: Any time you voice concerns about the therapeutic relationship, and they're just brushed aside as "resistance" or "denial," well, that’s a bad sign.
• Constant Doubting: Are they always questioning your stories, your interpretations, your feelings? A little is normal, a lot is a red flag.
• Making It About Them: Does the therapy session seem to revolve around the therapist's needs, their feelings, their interpretations? Are they talking about themselves too much?!
• Triangulation: Do they talk about you to other people (like your partner, family, friends, or even other colleagues?!) without your consent? HUGE. NO.
• Making You Question Reality: If you're constantly thinking, "Am I crazy?" or "Did that really happen?"… that’s not normal.
• Setting up confusing therapeutic rules. They'll do one thing, and then another, constantly changing the terms of agreement.

Anecdote Alert: My Own Near Miss.

I had a therapist once… let’s call her Dr. B. (Because I still don't want to give her a platform). She seemed lovely at first. Compassionate. Understanding. But slowly, the sessions became… strange. I'd talk about a difficult situation, and she'd immediately dismiss my feelings. Every time. It was always "You're being overly dramatic." Or "You're misinterpreting their actions." I started doubting my own memories. My sanity. Months in I felt like a shell of myself.

One day, I brought up a specific incident where a friend had been incredibly hurtful. Dr. B. looked me dead in the eye and said, "That’s not how it happened." I showed her a text message proving my point. The text? Irrelevant. "You're putting too much stock in what other people think."

That was the moment. I felt a cold wave wash over me. Oh, hell no. I canceled my next appointment and got a new therapist. It was scary to trust again, but I will do it. Eventually, I started to feel like myself again and I am now a better person for it.

The (Potentially) Good Stuff: When It's NOT Gaslighting (But Might Feel Like It)

Hold up! Before you fire your therapist, let's consider the flip side. Therapy IS supposed to be challenging. It’s supposed to make you uncomfortable. So how do you tell the difference between a helpful challenge and outright gaslighting?

• They Explain Their Reasoning: A good therapist will be transparent. They should be able to explain why they're saying something, what their goal is, and how it relates to your progress.
• It’s About You (Mostly): Therapy is your space. The focus should always be on your needs, goals, and experiences.
• They Listen, Even When They Disagree: They might challenge your perspective, but they should also listen to you and validate your feelings.
• They Respect Boundaries: A therapist who crosses professional boundaries (e.g., trying to be your friend, asking inappropriate questions) is a huge red flag, and maybe even a reason to sue.
• You’re Making Progress: Ultimately, therapy should help you. You should see progress, even if it’s slow or bumpy. Therapy doesn't always feel good, but it should lead to growth (unless they're pushing you further into darkness).

The Nuance: Power Dynamics and the Therapist's Imperfection

Let's be real: Therapy is a power dynamic. You’re vulnerable. They're in a position of authority. And therapists are human. They make mistakes. They have biases. They can be… well, kinda weird.

• Transference/Countertransference: They may be projecting something onto you. You might be projecting onto them. This can distort the reality of the relationship, but if it's handled well, it still works. Not everything is gaslighting.
• Therapist's Blind Spots: Therapists are not perfect. They have their own experiences, their own baggage, that can influence how they see you and your problems.
• Cultural Competence: A therapist who doesn't understand (or actively disregards) your culture or background can easily misinterpret your experiences, making you feel misunderstood, but this isn't necessarily gaslighting.
• When to Cut and Run: If it feels bad, it's probably time to go. Your mental health (and sanity) is the priority.

Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You? – What's Next?

So, what do you DO if you suspect gaslighting?

• Trust Your Gut: Seriously. Your intuition is powerful.
• Document Everything: Keep records of sessions, conversations, and any incidents that feel off.
• Seek a Second Opinion: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or another therapist (for an initial consultation) about your concerns.
• Gather Evidence: Texts, Emails, or any documentation of the situation.
• Be Direct (If You Feel Safe): If you feel comfortable, you could directly address your concerns with your therapist. See how they react.
• Get Out: If you feel unsafe, betrayed, or that your mental health is deteriorating, it's time to leave. You are not obligated to stay in therapy.
• Consider Reporting: Depending on what happened, you might report the therapist to their licensing board.

The Takeaway: Your Sanity Matters

If you're questioning your therapist, you're already on the right track. Trust your gut. Your mental health is the most important thing. It’s a hard thing to know whether you will be gaslit by a therapist, which is why its important to trust your inner self. Don’t stay with a therapist that doesn't feel right, no matter what.

One Last Thought: Therapy is a journey. It's not always smooth. But it should always be about you. And if you're being made to feel crazy, if your reality is being eroded, it's time to find someone who respects your experience, your feelings, and your sanity.

Is Your Mind Screaming? The Shocking Truth About Mental Health Support You NEED To Know!

5 Things to Do Before You Start Therapy or Counseling by Kati Morton

Title: 5 Things to Do Before You Start Therapy or Counseling
Channel: Kati Morton

Okay, here goes! Think of this as a coffee chat with your friend, who just happens to know a thing or two about, you guessed it… choosing counseling.

Okay, Friend, Let's Talk About Actually Choosing Counseling (Because Life, Right?)

Hey there! So, you're here. Maybe you're feeling a bit… off. Maybe the world feels a little overwhelming. Or maybe you just know, deep down, that something could be better. Whatever the reason, you're thinking about choosing counseling, and that's a huge step. Seriously. It’s like admitting you're building a spaceship, and you'd rather not do it alone.

I get it. It can feel… scary. Like wandering in a maze blindfolded. But trust me, it's also incredibly brave and potentially life-changing. And I'm here to help you untangle some of the webs, hopefully, make this whole process feel a little less daunting. Let's dive in, shall we?

1. Recognizing the Signals: When to Consider Seeking Therapy

First things first: how do you know you need counseling? Honestly, there’s no single answer. It’s not like there’s a blinking red light on your forehead saying "COUNSELING REQUIRED!"

Think of it this way: your body sends you signals when you're hungry, tired, or sick. Your mind does the same. Are you…

• Constantly stressed? Finding yourself perpetually frazzled? Exhausted, mentally, physically?
• Struggling with difficult emotions? Grief, anxiety, anger… that seem to be clinging to you like a bad habit.
• Feeling stuck or unfulfilled? Like you’re not living the life you want to live, even if it looks okay from the outside.
• Having trouble with relationships? Repeated conflicts, feeling disconnected, or just plain lonely?
• Finding yourself repeating patterns of behavior that aren’t serving you? Yeah! That's a big one.
• Experiencing a major life change? Job loss, divorce, the death of a loved one, a new baby… All of these can be rough!

If any of this resonates, seriously, seeking therapy is worth considering. Even if it's just to get a little clarity. Remember, preventative care is WAY easier than trying to fix a major breakdown, mentally or emotionally.

2. Types of Counseling: Finding the Right Fit (It's Like Finding the Right Pizza!)

Okay, so you've decided… maybe counseling is right for you. Now comes the fun part (kinda): figuring out what kind of counseling to choose. This is where things can get… overwhelming. Think of it like ordering pizza. So many choices!

• Individual Therapy: Just you and the therapist. Think of this as the classic "one-on-one" experience, ideal for tackling personal challenges, trauma or mental health issues.
• Couples Therapy: For you and your partner. Perfect for improving communication, working through conflicts, or strengthening your bond.
• Family Therapy: Involves the whole family (or parts of it). Great for addressing family dynamics, communication, and specific issues within the family unit.
• Group Therapy: A group setting, often focused on a specific topic (anxiety, grief, etc.). You get to share experiences and learn from others.
• Specialized Therapies: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Trauma-Focused Therapy… The list goes on. These are specific approaches that cater to particular issues or preferences. This is where it gets complicated, but stay strong!

My Experience with Finding the Right Fit

So, uh, a few years back, I was a total mess. Seriously, a mess. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I was just… down. My friend, bless her heart, kept nudging me toward therapy. Eventually, I caved. The first therapist I saw, bless her too, was super nice, but after a few sessions, I felt… meh. Like we were having polite conversations, but nothing was clicking. It felt like I was just describing the weather, not the hurricane inside.

Then, after some online research, I found a therapist who used CBT. It was like a lightbulb turned on! Finally, concrete tools and techniques. It wasn’t a magic bullet. It was hard work! But I was actually getting somewhere. The moral of the story is: don't be afraid to shop around! It's like finding the right pair of shoes, you need one that fits right!

Key Tip: Think about what you need. Do you want a listening ear, or do you want concrete strategies? Do you want a therapist who's super empathetic, or someone who’s more direct? Read about the different techniques, look for therapists who specialize in the stuff you’re dealing with (stress, anxiety, a traumatic event… you know the drill!)

3. Location, Location, Location (and Other Practicalities): Finding a Therapist Near Me or Online Counseling Benefits

Alright, let's get practical. Where do you even find a therapist? And, more importantly, how do you make the whole thing work in your life?

• Online Therapy: Huge win in today’s world. So convenient! You can access sessions from anywhere, which is great if you're busy, live in a rural area, or just prefer the comfort of your own home. But make sure your computer is on, before the appointment starts.
• Local Therapists: PsychologyToday.com is my go-to source. You can search by location, specializations, insurance… The works! Your insurance company’s website is another good option.
• Word-of-Mouth: Ask friends, family, or your doctor for recommendations. Sometimes a personal referral is the best way to find someone.

Considerations:

• Insurance Coverage: Check with your insurance provider about coverage for mental health services. This can majorly affect your choice, as the costs vary wildly.
• Fees: Get a clear understanding of the therapist’s fees and payment policies.
• Location: In-person or virtual? Consider your preferences and practical needs.
• Availability: What days and times are the therapist available? Do they fit with your schedule?

Side note: I once booked a session with a therapist, thinking she was covered by my insurance. Turns out, she wasn't. It was a costly lesson to learn, so please, please, double-check anything.

4. Chemistry is Key: Choosing a Therapist Who’s Right for You

This is arguably the most important part. You can have the most qualified therapist in the world, but if you don't click, it’s like trying to build a house with a hammer made of jelly.

• The Initial Consultation: Most therapists offer a brief initial consultation (usually free or low-cost). Use this opportunity! Ask questions, see if you feel comfortable, and get a feel for their style.
• Ask Questions! Don’t be shy! Ask about their experience, their approach to therapy, their fees, and how they work with clients like you. Don't hesitate to ask about their specialties, training, and what a typical therapy process looks like for them.
• Trust Your Gut: Does this person feel… right? Do you feel safe and understood? Do you feel judged, or that your concerns are taken seriously?
• Don’t Be Afraid to "Break Up": If it’s not working, it’s not working. This isn't a marriage! You can absolutely switch therapists. It's your mental health; don't settle. I had to change therapists twice before I found someone who worked for me! It's absolutely okay.

5. What to Expect in Counseling: The Nitty-Gritty of the Process

Okay, so you’ve found a therapist, and you're ready to roll. What actually happens in a session?

• The Beginning: Typically, the first few sessions involve getting to know each other. The therapist will ask about your background, your goals for therapy, and your current struggles.
• The Middle: This is where the work happens. Talking, exploring your thoughts and feelings, learning new coping mechanisms, and building a better understanding of yourself. This can involve a host of different techniques, techniques, exercises, and practices. Your therapist might assign homework, which is normal!
• The End: When you (and your therapist) feel you've achieved your goals, you'll work toward ending therapy. This is often a gradual process. You will likely discuss your progress, reflect on what you've learned, and plan how to maintain your well-being afterwards.
• Confidentiality: Your conversations are confidential. (Unless, of course, you pose a danger to yourself or others. Safety first, always.)

One Quick but Important Thing:

Therapy isn't always easy. It can be emotionally challenging. There will be moments of discomfort. But that’s okay. That's part of the process that encourages growth! Don't be dismayed if not every session is like

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Title: What's the Best Type of Therapy Evidence-Based Practice
Channel: Self-Help Toons

Is Your Therapist Gaslighting You? The Messy Truth (Plus a Few Tears and Maybe a Breakdown or Two!)

Okay, Seriously... What *is* Gaslighting in Therapy Anyway? And How Do I Even Spot It?

Ugh, gaslighting. It’s the emotional equivalent of being slowly poisoned, right? In therapy? It's when your therapist subtly (or not-so-subtly) makes you question your own sanity, your memory, your perceptions, your *feelings*. They might deny things they *said*, twist your words, make you feel crazy for having valid emotional reactions. Think of it like… they’re trying to rewrite *your* life script, making you the villain of *your* own story. It's insidious because you're supposed to *trust* them! My head spins just thinking about it.

How to spot it? It's tricky! It's not always obvious. Look for:

• Dismissing your feelings: "You're overreacting," "That's not really a big deal," "You're too sensitive." Seriously, *every* therapist I've ever had needs to understand that my “too sensitive” is actually a superpower and I'm not going to water it down for their comfort.
• Denying things they said or did: "I never said *that*," even if you *swore* they did. (Happened to me once. I had the receipts! But she still denied it! I felt like I was losing my mind.)
• Twisting your words: Taking what you said out of context and using it against you. This is when my feelings went from "sad" to "murderous" in about 3 seconds.
• Blaming you for their mistakes or poor judgment: "If you weren't so [insert something they don't like about you], I wouldn't have reacted that way." Excuse me, are *you* the professional or the passive-aggressive aunt?
• Making you doubt your memory or reality: "Are you sure that's how it happened?" "You must be misremembering." Ugh, I *KNOW* what day it is, even if *you* don't!

My Therapist Says I'm "Resistant." Could That Be Gaslighting?

Ooooh, "resistance." The favorite word of therapists who don't want to admit *they're* the problem. Listen, sometimes you *are* resistant. Therapy is hard work. But it can also be a cop-out. "Resistant" can be a smokescreen for ineffective therapy or, yeah, even gaslighting. If you feel like you’re constantly being told you’re “holding back” or “not being open,” but you *feel* like you're pouring your heart out… red flag! Are *you* the problem or is the communication *stuck* because of the therapist?

Here’s my personal experience. I went through a LOT of therapists before I found one I liked. Most of the other therapists would *always* say I had trust issues. And I was like, "Well, yeah I do, you're essentially a stranger in my life and I'm supposed to tell you everything?" This is a normal response. But instead of building trust, they would tell me how to respond to my problems. They would say things like what I felt didn't match my reality. It's not about me it's about them. It took me a long time to realize the problem wasn't me, it was them.

What if I *Think* My Therapist is Gaslighting Me? What Do I *Do*?

First, breathe. Seriously. It's scary when you start questioning your sanity. Second, trust your *gut*. If something feels off, it probably *is*. Here's what I'd do (and have done):

• Keep a journal: Write down what happens in your sessions in as much detail as possible. Including direct quotes. It's your evidence. It’s hard to gaslight someone when you have written proof of what's going on.
• Talk to a friend or family member you *trust*: Someone who knows you well and can offer an objective perspective. But don't just vent. Ask them, "Does this sound like me? Am I crazy, or is this weird?" Be careful, though – sometimes, the people *around* you are also part of the problem and want you to get better so *their* life is easier.
• Bring it up with your therapist (gently at first): “Hey, I’m feeling a little confused about [specific incident]. Could you help me understand…?” Gauge their reaction. Do they listen? Do they get defensive?
• If it doesn't improve, LEAVE. Seriously. You are paying them. This is *your* mental health. You don't owe them anything. Don't feel bad for leaving.
• Report them: If you have serious concerns about unethical behavior, you can report them to their licensing board. This can be a tough step but it can protect future clients.

Can a Good Therapist *Accidentally* Gaslight?

Oh, this is a tricky one. And a question I’ve wrestled with endlessly! I want to believe everyone has good intentions. But, yes, I think it's possible a therapist might, *unintentionally*, slip into behaviors that feel like gaslighting. Maybe they’re burned out, maybe they have their own unresolved issues. Maybe they're just... not a good fit for *you*. They're human, and humans make mistakes. But that doesn't excuse the harm, does it? It's still on you to protect yourself. Even if the therapist means well, if it's not working, get out.

One of my experiences was when I told a therapist a very sensitive personal thing. Her response? "Oh, that’s just your anxiety talking." My immediate reaction was, "No, actually, that's the truth, and I'm here because I can't cope!" I knew I needed a different therapist, but I was very cautious about new therapy. The problem wasn't me, it was that she wasn't listening. She didn’t ask about *why* it was my anxiety. She simply waved it away.

What are the warning signs that a therapist is not good for me?

It’s more than just gaslighting. There are some red flags, like:

• They talk *too much* about themselves.
• They cross boundaries (e.g., texting outside of sessions, offering unsolicited advice that has nothing to do with your issues).
• They’re always late or cancel at the last minute.
• They seem judgmental or critical. Do they seem to have a good attitude or not?
• You feel *worse* after sessions, not better.
• They don't take responsibility for their own mistakes.
• You feel like you're walking on eggshells.

If you hear the phrases “I’m always right,” “You’re too sensitive," and "You are not seeing things clearly" then leave and get a new therapist.

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